Dec. 1, 2013
Seeing as how there is so much speculation about the existence of Santa Claus and his whole operation, I thought I would start a blog and shed some light on the subject. I would consider myself an expert on the subject because I happen to be an elf that works for him.
My name is Snicklefritz Boggletrumph Miffletins III, but most folks call me Fritz. (They’re just too lazy to say my full name, I guess.) I was born on April 12th, 1894, which makes me 119 years old. One more year ‘til the big 1-2-0! I know what you’re thinking - it’s not that old. (How old do humans get? Like 500 years or something?)
Anyway, I was born at North Pole General Hospital not far from where I work now, which is Block T, Company 5A. (Which is confusing, because we are right in between Block G and Block W. Don’t ask me – I have no clue how they came up with that.) My father was the first elf to develop the stripes that appear on candy canes. Later, my brother developed candy canes that were fruit-flavored. (There are some purists out there who will not accept the legitimacy of such flavors for candy canes. Hmm, must be nice to have all those other candies available to eat at your every whim. I think I could die a happy elf if I never ate another peppermint-flavored anything ever again!)
My mother, on the other hand, stayed at home tending to her 13 children in a modest little three-bedroom home at 1717 Gingerbread Lane. All 13 children went to North Pole High School and graduated from North Pole University, except for my sister, Jingletoots, who went to UC Berkley where she got a degree in Interdisciplinary Studies (Sociology and Interpretive Dance).
I won’t bore you with all the rest of my siblings, but I got my degree in Animatronics Engineering. Ever heard of Teddy Ruxpin? Best-selling toy of 1985 and ’86? Oh yeah. That little talking teddy bear I designed paid for my cherry red 1987 Chevrolet Corvette. Anyway, now I am head of the whole doll division – which is actually a lot cooler than it sounds. I also like ice-skating, ice-fishing, skiing, and playing FarmVille (guilty pleasure).
So that’s a little about me. I’ll continue to dispel Santa Claus myths and update you on North Pole happenings as we all gear up for Christmas. If you have any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them.
Only 24 days until Christmas!
Cheers!
Fritz
Cheers!
Fritz
