Merry Christmas!

  Well, last night as we flew back to the North Pole after ALL our deliveries, I proposed to Mintchuckle and she said, "Uh...I'll think about it and get back to you." JUST KIDDING! She said yes! We'll be getting married sometime in April. Still talking dates right now.
   Santa is snoozing it up right now and tomorrow he and Mrs. Claus are headed down to Bali for some post-Christmas vacay. They always go somewhere south of the equator where it's warm and tropical.
   Well, that's all from me. Thanks for reading the blog! It's been fun. Hope you all have a very merry Christmas and a happy new year!
   Yours,
   Fritz

Ring a Ding Ding!

   As luck would have it, Mintchuckle and I were both chosen to go with Santa Claus to make Christmas present deliveries tonight! Well, I kind of had a hunch that we would be chosen for the expedition because we were both Outstanding Elves. Pollywog Parsnip was chosen too, as well as a few other elves that I didn't recognize. I think one works as a butler in the Clauses' mansion...
   Anyway, I have a big announcement to make! I am going to propose to Mintchuckle tonight on the sleigh! Woohoo! I went to Kitzerbox Hoogler's last night and picked out a pretty awesome ring. What do you think?

   I hope she likes it! It's a little plain, but...eh. Also, I told her NOT to read the blog today, and she promised she wouldn't, so I think the secret is safe. (You can all keep a secret, right?)
   Anyway, she's probably too busy to get online today because she has to finish a lot of baking for Mrs. Claus's annual Christmas Eve Cookie Party. I, on the other hand, am done for the day. The sleigh was loaded up last night and we just spent the morning cleaning up the shop and taking it easy.
   Tonight is going to be exciting! On so many levels!
   Merry Christmas!
   Fritz

Chucky and the Elf Entourage

   Snap! Tomorrow is Christmas Eve! We've got nearly all of our orders completed and have only had to make a few revisions this morning. It has been REALLY hectic! There are so many orders this year, Santa will likely have to take a sixth elf with him on the sleigh, as opposed to the typical five that have helped in out in years past. He usually picks the hardest working, most reliable, and least annoying/most entertaining elves (hey - it's a long night! He doesn't want to get stuck with some obnoxious elves carrying on and on about how cool it is to watch water turn into ice and other such nonsense. BORING!)
   Speaking of which, Mintchuckle was one of his helpers two years ago. At that time, she was going by the nickname Chucky. I had lunch with her today at the factory cafeteria and she was telling me all about it, and why she's no longer going by the name Chucky. (You see where this is going, right?) Well, it was exactly two years ago that the announcement was made regarding the elves who were chosen to help Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. As you know, Mintchuckle - er - "Chucky" Sweetcheeks was one of the names on the list (she's always been a popular lady up here, let me tell you!) She had a pretty bad case of laryngitis at the time, but decided to go anyway, since it's such a big honor. On Christmas Eve, Mintchuckle was helping Santa by untying a big package of stocking stuffers and the knot was just un-untie-able (is there a better word for that?) so, "Chucky" went to the kitchen and found a butcher knife to cut the string. Unfortunately, a little girl who lived in the house had snuck downstairs and saw her. The girl was pretty freaked out and nervously asked, "Who are you?!" Lacking the seemingly obvious foresight, Mintchuckle replied, with her raspy voice and raising the butcher knife, "I'm Chucky." As you can imagine, the girl freaked out. Mintchuckle was completely befuddled. It was a total fiasco. Santa Claus was sued and is still paying for this girl's therapy sessions. Mintchuckle felt soooo bad. Santa told her she should probably stop going by Chucky and stick to her full name, Mintchuckle. (I like that name better anyway.)
   Well, I better get back to work. We have to finish loading up the sleigh tonight - Sand Santa hates waiting until the last minute to get that all done. We'll see who gets picked to go on Santa's sleigh tonight. That's always exciting!
Hasta luego,
Fritz

One Pony Open Sleigh

   This afternoon, after church got out, Mintchuckle and I met up and went for a sleigh ride. My father has a shetland pony named Frankincense (we call him Old Frank) and a sleigh that we use this time of year on special occasions. (Below is a picture of Old Frank last summer.)

   It wasn't too cold outside, but we still had to bundle up pretty well. We had Quarterpockets and Daisy on either side of us and took off toward the north end of North Pole Island (which is kind of arbitrary, since everything is south of the actual north pole - which is designated by a historical landmark sign post with arrows pointing to Paris, Tokyo, Moscow, New York, Cairo, London, Beijing, etc.) where we watched the musk ox herd and the caribou graze out on the tundra. It was a really nice scene. I brought along a thermos of hot chocolate and some croissants in a hot tin box and we had a little picnic of sorts in the sleigh.
   Mintchuckle admitted to reading my blog and was very flattered by the nice things I said about her. Man was I blushing!
   Tonight I'm going to take her to meet my grandmother and the rest of my family. It should be fun!
   3 DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS! Woohoo!
Tootles, my little macaroni noodles,
Fritz

Dog Show!

I need to apologize for not posting yesterday. I know I probably ruined hundreds of people’s day by not posting. I know how my posts are the most important part of your day besides catching up on what Snooky and Pauly D. and The Situation are up to. Just kidding, of course. Those guys aren’t real…
   Let me tell you about yesterday and why I absolutely had no time to post - and why I am just now posting so late in the day.
   Well, you see, yesterday was the big North Pole Dog Show. I had NO idea what a big deal it was (I’m such an amateur!) Sooo many participants. I arrived early at the event, trying to look professional, and already the arena was filled with dogs and their owners. Mostly smaller breeds, like chihuahuas, dachshunds, yorkies, and miniature pinschers, but there were a few larger breeds too (which will be key to the plot momentarily). One elf came in riding on the back of his Great Dane. That dog was huge!
    Anyway, I got Quarterpockets registered and off to his first event, doggy tricks. He performed playing dead, shaking, and hula hooping with a special miniature hula hoop I made for him in the shop. He was a real crowd pleaser! Let me tell you! Even Santa Claus, who attended the event, commented on how entertaining little Quarterpockets was! Dr. Treacletart, the veterinarian who was there on hand, said that Quarterpockets was his personal favorite. Mintchuckle said she was really impressed by his stage presence. She said he was “a natural.”
    Unfortunately, right before the next event started, an enormous gray cloud moved in, and a blizzard started! (Again - why in the world are we having these events OUTSIDE?! Seriously, I will single-handedly clean up all the mess MYSELF. Well...maybe not “single-handedly” - I’d probably use a broom,) Anyway, a huge gust of wind blew over the main tent and dogs went nuts and scrambled every which way. Then the snow started coming down in buckets and I lost Quarterpockets in the white-out. (One of the hazards of owning a white dog, I guess.) I wasn’t worried, though. He was in his element. The other dogs, however - like the high-maintenance poodles and the shih tzus - I wasn’t too sure about.
   A few of the judges tried to calm everyone down and direct people toward the reindeer stables nearby to salvage the event, but they were having a really hard time getting everyone’s attention. I happened to be near four little chihuahuas that were huddled together, so I took charge and chucked them into an empty stable stall (I think it belonged to Dancer, but they were re-painting the names over the stalls at the time, so I could be wrong…) Then I was able to wrangle a St. Bernard (I’m awesome like that) and get him inside as well. Then I grabbed hold of a pug and was about to throw him into the stall when I realized it was down to only one chihuahua and one St. Bernard (Strange...all three of their collars were still there…) but I was pretty busy, rescuing dogs and all.
   In the end, the blizzard stopped, and most of the dogs returned - including Quarterpockets - to finish the event, with the exception of those three little chihuahuas. Too bad. For some reason Santa Claus told Dr. Treacletart to do a stomach ultrasound or x-ray on that St. Bernard. (Beats me. I’m new to the dog world.)
   Finally, when it was time to announce best of show, first they announced the third place winner: Bonfreckle Dillybar and her  Fiddlejig. Then - you won’t believe this - in second place, Mintchuckle Sweetcheeks and her toy poodle, Daisy! Then, drum roll please...Snicklefritz B. Miffletins III and his arctic fox, Quarterpockets! Woohoo! I was so excited I forgot all about the Elf Olympics tragedy. (Well, I guess I actually didn’t…) I was so happy!

   Mintchuckle was an absolute lady about getting second place to me - er - Quarterpockets. Sooo, I offered to take her out to eat as a consolation prize and she accepted!
   I took her to a little Swedish restaurant called Ookenflugen. We had some delicious smoked salmon crepes and lingonberry pie. It was a BIG success.
   Then this morning, I called up Mintchuckle (darn right I got her number) and we went out for some salted caramel hot chocolate at Starbucks (of course we have Starbucks here - they’re EVERYWHERE.) We talked for hours. Then I went to her family’s Christmas party and met her parents. They were very hospitable. We had a little elf Nativity scene and drank wassail. I just got home, actually. I don’t know guys, this has been a whirl wind weekend! I’m thinking I might just go by Kitzerbox Hoogler’s Jewelry and look at some rings. I’m not kidding! So, I got some thinking to do. 
   Four days until Christmas!
Until next time,
Fritz


Outstanding Elf and Frozen Review

   Well, I had the surprise of my life this morning - I got the Outstanding Elf Award at the Christmas briefing! I was so shocked! Santa Claus said that I received the prestigious award for saving the lives of two elves (the two green tic tacs, as I called them) and potentially hundreds of others from the abominable snowman a few days ago. They took my picture and gave me a trophy and my name and picture will be posted in the Great Hall of the Conference Center for the next week, but the best part was having lunch with the Santa, Mrs. Claus, and the other Outstanding Elves! There are only three of us this Christmas season, myself, Mintchuckle Sweetcheeks, and Pollywog Parsnip (who saved the North Pole's intranet from a very nasty virus).
   I spent the whole time talking with Miss Sweetcheeks, who has asked me to call her Mintchuckle. She told me that she was the one that nominated me! (Although, since nominations are anonymous, so I could have been nominated by others as well.) AND she gave me her number. Oh yeah.
   Mrs. Claus fixed us the most delicious lunch! (She's an excellent cook.) My favorite was the smoked salmon!

   I also need to review the movie I saw last night with my niece and nephew - Frozen. It was excellent! Really great movie. I would have to give it a Christmas Tree, though, because I thought the songs were L-A-M-E.
   I cannot believe how much the castle looks like Santa Claus's mansion - right down to the Scandinavian motifs on the doors and pillars. And Sven, the reindeer, bears a striking resemblance to Vixen - and they both have a V in their name! Coincidence?! I think not.
   I have a sneaking suspicion that's why Disney sent representatives to the North Pole five years ago. I remember seeing dozens of artists doing sketches around the mansion at the time...
   Anyway, what a great day it's been so far! Tomorrow's the dog show! Wish Quarterpockets luck!
TTFN,
Fritz

Icicles Bursting with Fruit Flavors and Cocoa Puffs

  Once again we had a disaster with a silver lining. The Candy Department is on the third floor of the factory and some time last night, while everyone was asleep, 3 huge vats of colored, fruit-flavored liquid sugar burst, blew out the window, and ran down the roof of the factory. Of course, this was a gigantic mess to clean up, but the bright side is, it created a number of beautiful, delicious icicles that we broke off the gutters and ate. (Hygiene Schmygiene)
   The colored liquids were yellow, red, and blue, so in addition to those primary colors, the mixing produced several different shades of orange, purple, and green. It was an amazing sight!
    Tonight, I'm taking my niece and nephew, Sugarplum and Hooverschniz, to see the movie Frozen!

   I promised them that if they got straight stars on their report cards, I would take them to go see it. For those of you who don't know, Star = A, Christmas Tree = B, Candy Cane = C, Fruitcake = D, Reindeer Dropping = F. Speaking of reindeer droppings, last week when I went to visit them, their 2 year-old brother, Nogginbrooks, brought in a whole handful of what he called "cocoa puffs" that he found out in the snow. I can guarantee you, those are NOT part of a complete breakfast. (yuck)

  

Anyway, I'm really excited about seeing this movie. Not going to lie.
Take care,
Fritz