Today is the big day: the Elf Olympics! I have my two events this afternoon, so I will fill you in tomorrow as to how things went. I’m glad I didn’t compete this morning, because I was able to pick up my sis, Jingletoots, at the airport AND see Miss Sweetcheeks compete in female figure skating. Wow. She was fantastic! Unfortunately, we don’t know how she placed in the event because not every competitor got the chance to skate today. You see, during the performance of another female, Rozlepuff Mistletoe, a huge killer whale broke through the ice and started thrashing around. The whole arena freaked out and evacuated. (I don’t know why - seems like this happens every year. They really should consider using an indoor arena with “artificial” ice.) They hope to get things back to normal by this evening and continue the competition then.
Things are going very well in the doll division. We are at least a week ahead of production schedule! Requests pour in daily from different Santa reps around the world - you know, the guys that dress up and represent Santa at different Christmas parties and department store photo shoots. I might get in trouble for telling you this, but basically, these guys don’t have to remember a thing you tell them. They just ask you what you want, and a little blue tooth device picks up the request and it pops up on our computer system in real time.
The information is then analyzed and a board reviews it to make sure we can comply with the requests due to safety or general practicality. (No kid is going to get a tank for Christmas - I’m sorry!) And sometimes requests are denied based on parent requests, such as a kid who wants a pony for Christmas, and Mom and Dad can’t afford to buy it hay for the rest of its life or lack the space necessary for such a big animal. So, we have to run the data bases and make sure everything jives.
After approval is granted, the requests are sent off to their specific divisions. If you’re asking for a Barbie, a teddy bear, a Monster High doll, or a Big Hugs Elmo (barf), your request will get sent to my department. It is then added to the production list of a specific team, and the toy-making process begins. The system has been in place for such a long time, everything usually works out just fine.
There are still the occasional mishap, however. Sometimes the requests have to be revised, as kids are prone to change their minds. Sometimes, though, the revision doesn’t happen in time. Sometimes the blue tooth device doesn’t pick up the child’s request exactly right and a girl that asks for a “fairy princess dress” gets a “bucket of horse manure.” (You gotta wonder - was that really an accident?) Sometimes there’s a glitch in the parent/child request interface system and a kid ends up with a rocket-propelled grenade. And sometimes Santa Claus gets sued for giving a kid a rocket-propelled grenade. (Yes, lawyers rule the world, children, and we’re all terrified of them. Even St. Nick.) So, for all our sakes, kids, make a practical Christmas wish list and stick to it!
I got a little collar with a tag for my little arctic fox, Quarterpockets. He looks good. I’m training him with little doggie treats I bought at Candy and Cain’s Grocery. He really likes them and he’s learning really fast! He can roll over, play dead, and shake. He’s pretty awesome, I’m not gonna lie. But, then again, he’s got an excellent trainer. (Ha!)
19 days, folks! We broke the 20 day mark!
Yours,
Fritz
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